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4 Updates & 1 Memory

Heavens-to-Betsy...

I can't believe I haven't posted in so long. I want to take a few minutes and catch you up on a few things that have been going on.

Update 1: Dot&Cross Updates

Recently, I had the joy of meeting a good friend of mine for a business meeting on Tom Sawyer's Island in Disneyland! Thanks to Bob Goff for hands-down, the funnest meeting I've ever had. And tonight I headed back out to LA (3rd time this month) where we'll be working with Francis Chan for 3 days on some films we'll be shooting in February. Excited to spend some more time with him, yet also sad to be away from Amy for these few days before Christmas. It reminds me of 2 or 3 years ago when I was spending the days before Christmas developing films with Matthew & Nancy Sleeth in Kentucky. I flew home and was delayed in Detroit on Christmas Eve. Let's hope that doesn't happen again this year!

Update 2: Operation Hot-Box

I have an infrared sauna in my house. Yes, you read correctly. My brother-in-law built it for me. It cost $150 to build with PVC pipes, duct tape and other crazy stuff. Every time I think about my ghetto make-shift sauna in our guest bedroom, I have to laugh because it looks like those old forts I used to build in my bedroom with my star wars sheets and couch cushions. It makes me sweat like a hog which is super-important in getting toxins out of my body. I'll talk more about this later, but the general premise is that as my body fights and kills the cancer, those toxins and dead cells have to get out of the body so I don't get sick from toxemia. Sweating rids toxins from the body and this is a great way to get your lymphatic system kicking into high-gear. I have another clever strategy for ridding toxins that I'll go into later when I have more time...

Update 3: My new friend... Matt Chandler!

In regards to my last post, Matt Chandler and I have been growing closer as we have been sharing our journeys together. I've been blessed to offer information that I've learned to he and his wife, Lauren. His surgery went very well and he is determining his next steps for treatment as I type this post. Matt and I are looking forward to getting together soon which reminds me - I just got an email from him. He wants Amy and I to road-trip and meet up with he and Lauren for a Muse concert!! Now we're talking!!

"This could be the beginning of a beautiful (and much longer than 10 years) friendship."

Update 4: You're doing what?

This is crazy. Ready for this? After learning that I had cancer, Joey, a girl in my church youth group as a kid, contacted me out of the blue. (We had a really big youth group so I didn't know her at the time, but after seeing a photo of her I totally remembered her). Anyway, a few years ago, she had gotten married to a great guy named Seth. It turns out that Seth had a brain tumor rather similar to mine. He ended up going through several craniotomies followed by rounds of radiation and chemotherapy.  I am sad to say that Seth went home to be with the Lord and one of Joey's regrets is that they never had a chance to go on a honeymoon.

So Joey ordered (yes, literally ordered) me to go on a vacation / honeymoon with my wife Amy... and she was going to help pay for it. We tried to argue but she would have none of it. You'll find that arguing with wives whose husbands deal with cancer is a lost cause. They are all strong as nails... Joey said that it was very important that Amy and I have memorable times together because you never know what is going to happen next.  So, the big news is that Amy and I are going to New Zealand later this week and spending New Year's there!

(Side-note: Excuse me for speaking bluntly about Joey and Seth's story, but I am going to write more on them later. They have such as amazing story that you need to hear about.)

Memory 1: Now we're moving from updates to memories

If you'll recall, as I was undergoing surgery for my brain biopsy I was lying in my hospital bed all by myself trying to remember words of comfort from the Bible. Then, Emily, a girl doing her residency with Mayo at the time (and also the girl who asked me if my photos were recently on Jasmine Star's blog) was asking me standard questions about what my hobbies are in order to calm me down and take my mind off the fact someone what about to put a drill through my skull. I told her all sorts of things that I had no interest in at all, but it felt good to talk so I was probably saying all sorts of random things like chess, cycling, piloting dirigibles, etc... but I do remember that I said 'traveling'. She asked me where I would like to travel but I was so nerved up that I, once again, just started naming places at random, places I probably would have never said before. Rio, Iceland, Tokyo...

As they were about to put me all the way under for surgery, she was delicately putting the anesthesia mask on me. And like a mother wishing 'sweet dreams' to her child, she told me to dream about taking a wonderful vacation during the surgery. "Dream of going to Tokyo!", she said. (pause) STOP THE DRILL! All of a sudden, I had a vision of visiting Tokyo filled with images of bright flashing lights, cars everywhere, toilets I have no idea how to flush, Hello Kitty and a language I couldn't understand, speak or read. There was absolutely nothing comforting about that dream at that moment! So as I was drifting off into la-la land, I put my hand up and asked them to take my mask off. She thought something was wrong with me! And there was...

With my final words before drifting into brain surgery, I said that I didn't want to go to Tokyo. It was too loud. I wanted to go to New Zealand.

So, away we go. From a time-zone perspective New Zealand is the furthest East land-mass on the globe and one full day ahead of the western hemisphere. So after midnight on New Year's Eve, I'm going to stay up all night long and drive to some random beach on the east side of the island. I am going to be one of the first people on the face of the planet to see the sun rise in the year 2010.

God is developing new plot-lines for His story that once again I am so blessed to be apart of. So, stay tuned - it's going to be a good year.

Meet my new friend... Matt Chandler

The other night I was lying in bed flipping through my twitter feed when I saw a wave of tweets regarding Matt Chandler, a pastor from Dallas, Texas. I didn't know who he was but had a strange feeling that I needed to get in contact with him. After a little research I discovered he had a seizure while feeding his baby on Thanksgiving morning. It turns out that after being rushed to the hospital, they found an Oligodendroglioma in the front-right hemisphere of his brain, the same rare diagnosis that I was given. (Oligodendrogliomas only account for 4% of all brain tumors)

I quickly tried to find an email address to get in touch with him but couldn't. After realizing I was too tired for a late night search I determined that I would find his address the next day and let him know that I would be praying for him and would love to be of assistance in any way possible.

I kid you not, I woke up the next day and he had already sent me an email. He explained that a month earlier he was also speaking at the Catalyst Conference in Atlanta and was standing right next to me backstage. As I was explaining Operation 55 Zebra to another person, he overheard my website name and had started following along ever since. When they discovered his tumor, he knew he had to get in touch with me.

How crazy is that.

In his first email he told me his story and ended with these words... "I don’t really know why I’m writing this email.  I can’t think of any questions to ask...I guess I just wanted to introduce myself...Hi, I’m Matt Chandler."

While I have met so many people in the past 6 months who have undergone suffering, there was a strange and special bond with Matt. He is a young guy, a pastor, a husband and a dad of 3 kids. And now his life has just been flipped upside down. But the second we got on the phone together, I knew that he had already given this cancer, this suffering to God. Our discussions have been nothing but upbeat conversations about these new stories that we have been given to live out. We are looking forward to getting together one day, having some tea and talking about what new things our futures now hold.

I'm honored to call Matt a brother-in-Christ and I know that you will join me in praying for him. Matt will be undergoing a tumor resection Friday at 12:00 CST. Due to the tumor location his doctors feel they can completely remove it. Please pray that Matt's tumor will be completely removed and that his recovery will be quick. Also please pray for his wife, Lauren and his 3 children. But after talking to Matt, I feel comfortable saying that above all else, pray that God will be glorified through this situation.

If you want to follow along with his story you can follow his twitter feed at @mattchandler74. I will post updates when I hear them come through. In the mean time, I have to finish my book, site, film and resource list that I've been putting together for him. We're going to have a lot to talk about...

Operation 55 Zebra Checkpoint Review = Great Success!

If you are just catching up with Operation 55 Zebra, here is a previous post of what I thought might happen today. And if you have no idea why I keep talking about Zebras, click on Operation 55 Zebra Story link on the left hand side of this page to catch up.

Let's just get to it.

The meeting didn't start out great. The doctor walked in and before showing us any images, reiterated that I need to go on radiation and chemo immediately. She also explained that our "plan of 'observing' the tumor instead of attacking it through conventional treatment would not be her preference and that if I were a part of her family, this would have never happened". Okay... duly noted. By this point her approach is old hat because each of our meetings and phone calls usually start this way.

Not a great way to start out a follow-up meeting, but then she put up the images next to each other and... they were the same.

Nearly identical.

Yup. While I can't speak about any of the specific details (which hopefully I will find out more about in my meeting tomorrow with the department head) it is obvious that the tumor has definitely not grown. Yes, it could be that this follow-up exam is too soon to see a difference or that the growth rate of the tumor is so slow that no treatment (either conventional or alternative) could have made an impact yet. But either way, I didn't care... this was great news because it wasn't bad news!

Now, I know that we have been praying for shrinkage but this is still fantastic. Back in June, Dr. Awesome from Mayo Clinic said that after doing a round a radiation he would circle back to do another MRI to check for changes. If after 6 months the tumor was the same size, he would consider it a 'great success'.  He said that since I am operating normally (or as normal as I ever have which isn't saying much) shrinkage is optimal, but maintenance is the first priority. In other words, if the tumor never grows past where it is now, I will lead a normal life with little-to-no symptom progression.

So, by Dr. Awesome's standards, in this first 6 months we have achieved great success! And to make things better, I didn't have to go through any of the side-effects from radiation such as hair loss, weakness, nausea or risk any long-term brain damage. And not only that, my overall health including my immune system, diet, stress levels and emotional health have improved immensely from the treatments I've been practicing.

So first off, praise God! While we will continue to move forward in faith, He has kept His promise of protecting me as I go down this 'alternative path'. While I felt crazy for saying no to my doctors, He has not left me alone, but given me the strength, confidence and peace to choose this narrow road when it makes no practical sense and when all the odds seem stacked against me. God doesn't tell boring run-of-the-mill stories and apparently this one will be no exception.

Next, thank you to my wife, who self-admittedly went into 'linebacker mode' in the patient room. As a general rule just... never-ever mess with Amy. Actually, if you are any figure of authority such as a government official, store manager or community organizer, just stay clear. Her independent spirit rises up and throws down! I'm just thankful we're on the same team! While I was trying to have a reasonable and logical conversation with the doctor, Amy was slinging alternative knowledge and calling her out straight up high-school debate style! It was incredible and frightening all at once... However as a matter of duty, I did give her a hospital 'red card' and am considering banning her from our meeting tomorrow. The jury is still out.

Third, thanks to Micah-the-Magician. Only by the power of God could you EVER have convinced me to do this. I distinctly remember audibly laughing at you when you first suggested 'natural treatment'.

And lastly thank you to my family and friends who have been such a huge support up to now. All day long I was receiving notes on Facebook, Twitter and emails, each one of them casting a vote of confidence for me. It made such a huge difference. I can't thank you enough.

I know that this is only the beginning of this story and there is lots more to come, but we finally have some evidence that this alternative plan of attack is achieving the same results the Doctors were hoping for with Radiation and Chemo.

I'll offer more detail later, but right now I am so tired. I have to go to bed.

Much Love

I'm writing this on Monday night when I should be sleeping. I'm not tired, but rather excited about my MRI tomorrow, Tuesday, at 7:40 am. I will be meeting with my Doctor at 3:00 or so which is when I assume I will see some side-by-side imaging from the last MRI taken in June. Of course the goal would be to see that  healing has been taking place over the last 5 months. But please be patient with me tomorrow. I want to share the news with my family first, but will be posting about it here shortly thereafter.

I want to thank you. Thank you for the prayers, cards, lasagnas, hugs, t-shirts, money, kombucha tea mothers, stuffed animal zebras, etc... You all have been so kind with your encourgaging words and gifts, but more importantly, I want to thank you for doing the most important thing of all... for sharing this story. This blog's traffic continues to grow (much to my amazement) and this story continues to spread. It appears that people are paying attention to this story which makes me so glad! I am glad because I know that God is using this experience to change people, maybe even you.

To be blunt, I want you, your friends and your family to pay attention, not because of me or anything I say or do, but because God is at work.

I cannot know for certain what will happen on Tuesday (or the day after for that matter) but I have faith in something that I cannot yet see. I have faith that God will continue to display His character and affect peoples' lives. It has without a doubt changed mine.

The most important thing that I have realized is, no matter the outcome, Kung Fu has already saved my life. If you remember, all of this started with a fake kung fu round-house kick to the head which resulted in me accidentally head-butting a concrete wall. Doctors say this accident could very well end up saving my physical life by offering early-detection of a brain tumor years in advance of when I may have naturally discovered it.

But I feel this Kung Fu snafu has done much more than saving my physical life.

I previously said I have never been afraid of physically dying, but was extremely afraid of not living life to its fullest potential, of getting to the end and wondering if there was any more I could have done or one more life I could have impacted. But this experience has given me the boldness to speak my feelings, renew my faith and pursue my passions in a way that I never could have imagined.

Cancer does not define me, but forces me to redefine my identity and my existence. Cancer forces me to challenge the mediocrity I previously feared. And for that, I am grateful.

I would never wish illness or suffering of any type on anyone, I hope that someway, somehow you would experience a life-altering change. Unfortunately, it seems that this change often comes through times of suffering so I hope that you would choose to view this sufferring in your life not as an end, but as a new beginning, as an opportunity to redefine yourself and challenge your fears.

Kung Fu has saved my soul. It has brought me back to life. While I am still not afraid of death, I am no longer afraid of a mediocrity. No matter what Tuesday's results say, no matter how long or how short or how painful this story is, I have faith in a God who promises that the best parts are yet to come.

As I have historically said to my friends and family, I whole-heartedly say to you now...

"Much Love"

Healing Crisis

Things aren't always as they seem.

Sometimes what we see as a step in the wrong direction is actually evidence that everything is going according to plan. There is actually a term for this; Healing Crisis.

"A 'Healing Crisis', also known as the "Herxheimer Reaction", this reaction occurs when the body tries to eliminate toxins at a faster rate than they can be properly disposed of. The more toxic one's bodily systems are, the more severe the detoxification, or healing crisis. It is characterized by a temporary increase in symptoms during the cleansing or detox process which may be mild or severe. You may feel worse and therefore conclude that the treatment is not working. But these reactions are instead signs that the treatment is working and that your body is going through the process of cleaning itself of impurities, toxins and imbalances."

I feel my body has been experiencing a healing crisis. When I went to the ER a few weeks ago, the pre-seizure symptoms were telling everyone that my brain was swelling. I knew it, Micah-the-Magician knew it and the Doctors knew it. The evidence for brain swelling was obvious, so the real question was, 'Why? Even though I've been doing everything right, why is there more swelling in my brain?'.

There are two ways to look at the reasoning behind the brain swelling:

1. As predicted by my doctors, the tumor is continuing to slowly grow in size which impacts the surrounding brain matter causing a progression in seizure symptoms. Over time, this will eventually lead to another seizure. The medically response would be to undergo radiation and chemo to reduce the size of the tumor, thus relieving pressure to the surrounding brain matter, and to immediately administer steroids to help curb inflammation and stop immediate seizure symptom progression.
2. Through my changes in diet, supplements, stress levels, emotional healing, etc... my body is healing the cancer by reversing the elements that cause cancer in the first place. One of the signs that the cancer is reversing is that the tumor, a collection of cancerous cells in my brain (a symptom of the cancer within the body) are starting to die. And as the tumor cells die and pile up, the lymphatic system (the clean-up crew of the body) goes into the brain to start clearing everything out which causes swelling. The solution for this issue would be to aid the lymphatic system by helping to clear it out, taking along with it all of the dead cells it has been collecting.

We chose to see this crisis through the lens of view #2. To be honest, I am feeling even better than before. I am taking on some new detoxification practices that I'll detail later each helping my lymph system clear out the dead cells in my body as quick as possible. Many cancer patients don't actually die from cancer but from toxemia, or a build-up of toxins / bacteria in the bloodstream because the bad cells can't be eliminated from the body. So the 1st goal was to kill the cancer, but the 2nd goal is to get rid of the dead cancer cells as soon as possible. And as far as I can tell, after a few weeks, it is working!

Physically, I was having a build-up of toxins in my brain that needed to be released. This crisis, after being addressed, lead to overall healing.

However, emotionally and spiritually, I think I'm in the middle of a healing crisis.

Clueless & Free

Couple of quick updates:

• My MRI has been moved from November 17th to November 24th. Please continue to pray that we will see tumor shrinkage on that day. Then we shall all offering Thanksgiving for the good news and eat Tofurkey.
• I am doing fine after my last blog which detailed a trip to the emergency room. I've been busy relaxing and/or working and haven't been able to post, but I am feeling fine. Thank you for all of your kind notes and prayers!
• This blog is ridiculously long and somewhat aimless. You may want to quit reading and enjoy the rest of your day. Don't say I didn't warn you, but this thought has been on my brain since Catalyst and I have to post it.

Onward.

I am in Ohio this weekend. I am speaking to a middle school, a high school, a cancer support group and a church. I have no idea what I am going to say at 3 of those 4 places. I am clueless about what I am going to say, yet feel completely free about how things will turn out. 

I am clueless and free. Why? I've recently stumbled across the fact that I am not a teacher but a story teller. I realize that God has not given me wisdom in the form of a 3 point framework that can be disputed on scientific or theological merit, but a simple story to retell. If you don't like or disagree with the story, that's cool. I'm okay with that. (And that's a big thing for me to say)

So this is what I'm doing... I follow God, along with this story, to middle-schools in tiny towns of Ohio and cancer support groups where probably very few people will be undergoing (or interested in) alternative treatments similar to mine and high schools where kids are more interested in, well... just about anything than me or my story.

But my job is neither to determine who gets to hear my story, nor is it to convince people I am right and they are wrong based upon knowledge or wisdom. My job is to tell simply tell the story. So I go and whatever happens after that isn't up to me.

Scary Thursday...

I woke up this morning at about 11:00 which is very weird for me. I usually give myself all the freedom to sleep in as long as I want, but was really strange to wake up at 11:00. I then hopped into the shower and noticed a few things.

The first thing that happened was my brain started to go. I don't really know how to explain this except one part of my brain noticed another part of my brain was falling apart. Very strange feeling. I first noticed that I started spelling words in the wrong way. How? Really not sure. Literally the words going through my head were...'how do I pronounce the word 'whip'?" Is it 'whip' or 'quip'? The next thought was... hold on, why I am worrying about how to spell the word 'whip'? 

Oh no...

Before I can get that thought out of my mouth, the metallic taste came into my mouth. I stood in the shower having a 100% flashback to San Francisco, it's all starting over.

The next thought was I hope I don't have any... nope, already starting happening. The right side of my mouth, my right arm and legs started feeling numb and tingling.

So, as far as I could tell there were 3 signs of an oncoming seizure:

• Lots of thought patterns into strange side-trails such as 'serious' issues like how to spell 'whip'. This results in my not being able to carry out conversation and saying random words like 'concrete' or 'pillows'.
• Feel a metallic taste enter my mouth.
• Feeling strange numbness down the right side of my face (especially my mouth), arms and legs.

So what next? I hop out of the shower. I wake up Amy, we sit down on the living room floor and she starts praying for me. Then I ask her to ask me a few questions to make sure my mind is working correctly. Finally I start to pray and as I try to speak the words, they won't come out of my mouth... nothing. I can talk okay, but I can't really pray. Interesting.

Then I did the most important thing... I put on underwear. Next, we rush down to the emergency room which happens to be about 2 blocks up the street. They put me in a bed, hook me all up to the wires and throw an IV in. I'm ready.  But really for what? Ready for a seizure I guess... I sure they looked at me like I was crazy. "You're preparing for a seizure?? Ok..."

We waited in the hospital, and thankfully there was no seizure.  It was probably about an hour and a half before the whole ordeal was over. I am feeling much better now except for a small headache and a brief loss of words. It's starting all coming back to me now. I can't really spell anything which is pretty disturbing. In fact, I need Amy to look over all of this before I push send.

All I can ask of you is this.  As I laid the in that hospital bed, I starting thinking to myself... anything can happen if this seizure goes down. I could not wake up. I could be paralyzed. I could wake up and be severally handicapped, I could just wake up again and fee fine! I really don't know. I only know that I am looking straight down the barrel of a seizure. Is this going to happen again? Seeing that on the horizon is a scary thing to look at.

I had the same thought roll through my head again. One thought. I could remember anything, no verses, nothing. All I had was this one thought of Psalm 21:1,

"The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear?

The Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?"

That was enough. Don't know what happend next, but a few doctors who didn't quite know what to do think were wandering in and out of the room.

I have more thoughts about the balance between 'knowing God will heal me" vs. "praying that his will will be done no matter the outcome'. But can't think about this any more... Time to go to bed.

(thanks to Amy for looking this over. I can't type very well right now)