Jump David Jump

So... What does it mean to you?

Sometimes when I tweet I'm just throwing whatever out there, but other times I'm tweeting something that I'm really thinking about or chewing on. Well tonight, a dear friend of mine called me out on a tweet. I said, 

"Can't get this idea out of my head. We are the descendants. What we own, we never truly earned & our reward is undeserved."

He responded,

  "That quote you posted, what does it mean to you?"

I'm so glad he called me out on it. Because I think through stuff like this quite often, but so rarely do I take the time to write it down. I thought for a few brief moments about how I would respond and then just jumped in. Because I'm a geek for spelling I checked it over once, but other than that, this is what I came out.

RobinHood Ink.

I'd like to say I intended to save this post for a full year... but turns out I was too busy doing other things. Finally starting to catch up now!!

Over the past 1-2 years, I've gone through a process with Dot&Cross, a company I co-founded about 4 years ago with some great friends of mine and who continues to create amazing work in their new LA home. Overall, I'm very proud of everything we accomplished together. But after learning about my diagnoses and seeing the other partner's desire to move to Los Angeles to continue the business, I realized that it was time for me to move on. Hence the random references you may have caught over the past year regarding:

 

So this is my new gig.

I'm delivering rather similar work to what I was doing at Dot&Cross, developing new content on projects before collaborating with producers, directors, designers, writers, event planners, etc... This year I've had the pleasure of working with some new clients including wind energy companies, corporate creatives, and political memoirs. Also got to introduce a new TV show and begin ghost-writing a second book for one of my favorite clients.

So, I won't go on too much more about RobinHood Ink., but if you're interested you can find out more on the links below. Don't tell my clients, but one of my favorite things to do is continually look for input to keep my mind fresh with new stories and ideas. You can see this curated image/quote gallery through the sites below.

Feel free to Friend/Like/Follow or whatever the kids are doing these days...

Web: http://robinhoodink.com

Twitter: http://twitter.com/robinhoodink

Facebook: http://facebook.com/robinhoodink

And for you tumblr followers: http://robinhoodink.tumblr.com/

A Thankful Entrance into 2012

This morning I woke up with the guilt that typically plagues me when I know I have so much work to accomplish that day. But since it's the first day of 2012, I gave myself the day off and in response to that morning dose of work-guilt was an overwhelming sense of thankfulness. I was just blown away by how much I have to be thankful for. 

In fact I decided to sit down and start writing the many many things I'm thankful for and couldn't help but to quickly blog and ask you to do the same for yourself. Start 2012 off, not with a list of things you resolve to do, but a list of things you've already been blessed with as you start this new year. Plus, you and I both know lists of resolutions are full of crap anyway...

I suppose one of the key things I'm thankful for today, despite the ridiculous list of blessings I've been undeservedly shown, is to be thankful for the struggles I face. No one actually learns anything about themselves by having their act perfectly together, and especially not from pretending to have it together. You learn who you are when things fall break down and fall apart; like a muscle being torn before it can start to heal itself and become stronger.

So I don't have to run from my life when things look like they are moving from bad to worse. Those are the times I have to get to lean in and admit I can't do it by myself anymore. Those moments are the best moments; even better than having it all together.

I won't bore you with the details, but I'm thankful for my wife, family, friends, church, job, clients, etc... I went into details on my list and you should to if you'll take about 10 minutes to work on your list.

But what I'm really struck by this morning is my thankfulness for Jesus whose death on the cross, as the old hymn says, provides both my pardon and my peace. Sometimes I feel that same need to 'work' for that pardon, similar to the guilt I feel about waking up to a job with a deadline. But I'm quickly reminded that the work has already been done, the pardon has been paid and the peace has been provided.

I hope you can take today off, be thankful and accept that peace.

(Sidenote: Not to mention if the Mayans, Nostradamus and Rick Perry are all right, this is your last New Year's day, so let's be thankful and enjoy it!)

Last Week's Post (Plus Today's Courage)

(Side-note: Chose not to post this last week because I was a wuss. Chose to post it today.)

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I had a seizure today. I have small seizures nearly every day, but this one was a little more intense. Initially, I wanted to hide it from the world because I would hate for you to think that things are getting worse for me. Or judge me for not making good decisions about my treatments, or talk to your spouse about how you saw me drinking a beer with some friends, so therefore I must not be sticking with my treatments. These are the reasons we (or at least, I) hide things from others. Fear of being judged. 

Since I felt the need to hide this information, to sweep it under the rug, I've randomly decided to do the opposite. To take this moment that preferably I'd like to hide away, pair it with the freeing realization that washed over me afterwards, and share it with you now. To, once again, make myself vulnerable to you and to myself. It's been awhile. 

Round 2!

I have to admit that I've been somewhat dreading this post. For some reason, sharing it with everyone really makes it seem like it's actually a reality.

As of May 1, I have 'officially' started back on my pancreatic enzyme deficiency treatment. This also means that I've returned to the super-strict diet (no meat, no alcohol, no dairy, no grains, no sugar, no thai food, no hot wings, etc...) Here is a link to a previous post where I explain this treatment in detail. Knowing me, that post is probably the size of a Russian novel, so here's the abbreviated version:

I have cancer in my brain. This alternative theory states that all cancer is caused by a faulty pancreas, hence why pancreatic cancer is the worst of all cancers. This cancer formed because my pancreas doesn't produce the appropriate enzymes the typical body uses to fight and excrete cancer/toxins. My pancreatic failure is due to a unique list of personal issues quite fascinating to me, yet most likely boring to you, so I'll skip it.

So, I am giving my pancreas a leave of absence. Instead of forcing it to digest meat, grains, lactose, etc... I'm allowing it to rest by avoiding these foods, and over time, heal. In addition, I am taking about 150 pills a day. About half of these are the specific natural enzymes that my body is no longer creating. The goal is to flood my system with these enzymes that metabolize bad cells (i.e. toxins, cancer cells, etc...). This will cause the toxins stored in my body to be let loose which means that I have to detox constantly to avoid a build up of toxins in my system. When my pancreas is returned to health, it will naturally produce the enzymes to fight cancer in my body. Tumor naturally metabolizes and deteriorates. Ta-dah! Then we drink champagne.

It was my hope that my previous 8 months on this treatment would be a good indicator of whether or not this was working. There are a few key indicator numbers like HCG and PHI that serve as indicators of cancer behavior within the body measured through blood and urine tests. After my previous 8 months on this treatment, my numbers were cut in half! Great news! But, alas, we took a break from the treatment for a variety of reasons, namely emotional and financial breaks.

However, Amy and I have had that gut feeling that it's time to get back on the treatment. I took the blood/urine test to see where my numbers were and they are already starting to increase again. In other words, over 8 months I took 2 steps forward cutting my numbers in half, seeing a serious increase in the health and productivity of my digestive organs. But in last following 8 months, I took a step backwards. So I'm hopping back on the treatment to see how much progress we can make over a 12-18 month period. 

I was reading in 'My Utmost for His Highest' by Oswald Chambers this morning, which somehow is always so pertinent to what I'm going through. I swear the daily devotionals must always be switching themselves around while sitting on the shelf, prepping the appropriate message for the appropriate days. Today's thoughts discussed being set free from from self-pity. I admit that self-pity comes barreling into my life when I start on this treatment. "This is dumb. My life sucks. Why do I have to donate 4-5 hours a day to this treatment? Why me? God, I could be so much more useful for you if you'd just give me the chance to use my 'full potential'." Blah Blah Blah...

It's really easy to get focused on ME and MY plans while dealing with this schedule. Oswald says that self-pity turns us into spiritual sponges, taking and taking but never giving anything away. Oswald... you're killing me with this, but you're right.

So for the record, May 1 will serve as the beginning of this treatment round. The goal, knowing God will provide the grace needed to make it through, will be to go 12-18 months on this plan. Amy and I could use your prayers during this time. It's always a struggle to be so disciplined when we typically have been blessed with so much freedom and independence in our life.

Admitting to this plan makes me want to slam my fist on the table, type a few choice curse words then throw my computer out of the window, because it feels like 'life', my joie de vivre, is being sucked from my bones. In order to live, I must die to myself, to my life, to my desires, to my time, so that I can fight this cancer.

In order to live, I must die. Seems vaguely familiar, no? It's a pretty poignant example for what it means to follow Jesus. I would have simply preferred the flannel-graph metaphorical version. But let's face it, none of really ever paid attention to flannel-graph.

I must agree with @jaredcwilson, who shared via twitter this morning,"This is good for my sanctification. This is good for my sanctification. This is good for my sanctification."

I already know this deep down. I just have to get over myself and truly accept it.

One August Day filled with Faith and Doubt

This is a long post, I know. In fact, let's not even call it a post. This is a short essay.

I suppose I've been negligent in my updates regarding my health for several different reasons. On one hand, I had to learn to protect my time and not become overwhelmed with blog posts as I had been for awhile. Life goes on, bills need to be paid, need to see my 'real-life' friends, and not spend all of my time pulling a Doogie Howser by sharing my feeling online at the end of each and every day. But nevertheless, I want to keep you updated as to what has been going on because so many of you have been, and continue to be, so faithful to pray to our Lord on my behalf. For that, I can't thank you enough. In the meantime, I want you to know that His grace has indeed been more than sufficient for me.

In August of 2010, Amy and I went back to University of Michigan to get another MRI. So much had been happening before and during that time of year. Amy and I (as well as friends, family and most likely strangers) had been so focused on praying for physical healing before this check-up. We knew that God was in the middle of doing something big. Strange events had been happening that I won't go into detail on right now. But we could feel God was by our side, going through this event with us, preparing us for the next MRI. We had been praying intensely with such childlike faith that we simply expected the doctor would come back and tell us that... 'I have no idea what happened, but the tumor is gone!". And we wouldn't even be surprised. We would say... "Well, of course it's gone, our God is a healing God, duh?"

The Dr. came back with the MRI results and told us that everything was looking just about the same. Hmm. While some minor shifting had occurred, it didn't appear to be growing or shrinking or doing anything for that matter. Just hanging out in my head. Amy and I were obviously pleased because things had not worsened, but there was definitely a feeling of (and I feel strange saying it) but... disappointment.

Was I disappointed in God?

The Health of... my car.

(Side-note: I should let you know in advance this post is a complete failure. After intending to write about my health, I became enamored with an afternoon of dealing with the health of my 2000 VW Jetta. If you'd like to do something meaningful with the next 5 minutes of your life, please don't read this.)