It's far too late for me to be up writing. I will be up in 2 hours to go in for my biopsy tomorrow. I've just got to get these thoughts out before the surgery. Despite the circus of 3 rounds of functional MRIs today, I was able to finish the day talking with Dr. Meyer regarding his current understanding of my case.
As the chair of Mayo Clinic, ranked as the #1 Neuro Science Department in the country, this is Dr. Meyer's scientific opinion (in my very loose words):
My tumor has been there a while. There seems to be a malignancy or 'hot-spot' that is growing but it is buried beneath years of calcified (read: bone-hard) tissue. In order to get to this area and remove it, we would need to remove this calcification. The difficult part is that this mass is fused with and surrounds the 2 verbal areas of my brain and the delicate wires that connect them. These areas control the majority of comprehension and speech production. If Dr. Meyer felt that he were able to remove 70-80% of this tumor, it would be worth the risk. However, he feels he can only remove about 40% of it. An attempt to remove any more could lead to permanent comprehension and speech production detriment. He sees this as a final straw option.
After discovering the results of Wednesday's biopsy, we will learn the genetic make-up of this tumor. We will hopefully be able to use a combination of chemo and radiation to attempt to shrink down and slow the tumor while monitoring it. Depending on how it reacts to the treatments, an extraction in the future might even be possible.
That is the Doctor update, but these are my thoughts.
---
This tumor was specifically designed for me by God.
The other day my sister sent me an article written by John Piper called 'Don't Waste your Cancer'. Written on the eve of John's prostate surgery, his first point is:
1. You will waste your cancer if you do not believe it is designed for you by God.
"It will not do to say that God only uses our cancer but does not design it. What God permits, he permits for a reason. And that reason is his design. If God foresees molecular developments becoming cancer, he can stop it or not. If he does not, he has a purpose. Since he is infinitely wise, it is right to call this purpose a 'design'. If you don’t believe your cancer is designed for you by God, you will waste it."
God didn't give me a bum leg or a sore back. He has designed a tumor to grow in my brain in the specific place - the exact location - where I would never ever want it to be. He has intricately fused a massive lesion into the middle of my comprehension and language centers. He has calcified cancerous tissues around the speech production areas of my brain; the essence of my personality, my career and my future.
If God were about to tell a compelling story with my life that ended in His glorification, this is a pretty incredible way to start it. After all, would we still talk about Goliath if he wasn't a giant?
This is the beginning of a new story, but I want to make a clarification. This new story is about God, not me. So I confidently declare Psalm 20:6-9.
6 Now I know that the LORD saves His anointed;
He will answer him from His holy heaven
With the saving strength of His right hand.
7 Some trust in chariots, and some in horses;
But we will remember the name of the LORD our God.
8 They have bowed down and fallen;
But we have risen and stand upright.
9 Save, LORD!
May the King answer us when we call.
I want to ask you to stick around and watch the results. I believe that what God originates, He orchestrates.
Please support me through prayer via this Facebook group set up by a friend of mine and/or tag any supportive tweets for @davidvwenzel with #55Zebra.
these are some amazing thoughts and you are so right on target with what you say. You got it right this story is about God and He is completely orchestrating it in a way that is beyond comprehension. The fact that He is means an incredible story is unfolding here. Praying for you----
Posted by: iron mike | June 17, 2009 at 05:59 AM
Still praying, and joined the facebok page. I admire your strength and trust in the Lord!
Posted by: Keri Jackson | June 17, 2009 at 07:48 AM
Wow. I think that's gonna take more than just one read to really sink in. But most John Piper stuff does. ;)
Nate and my thoughts and prayers are with you today!
Posted by: Becka Knight (Studio222 Photography) | June 17, 2009 at 08:09 AM
Seth and I are praying for you this morning (and always) as you go through the biopsy. An amazing article and I agree with those who posted before me. You are teaching me some powerful lessons David...I think God has big plans for you!
Posted by: Erika | June 17, 2009 at 08:24 AM
Praying for you, David. Stay strong in your faith.
Posted by: Jeff | June 17, 2009 at 09:02 AM
Praying for you and your situation. I am Seth and Sally's brother-in-law.
Posted by: Chris Costanza | June 17, 2009 at 09:14 AM
Just a stranger who will pray for you and I'm going to ask my mom to pray for you as she is one powerful woman with God.
Posted by: Mark | June 17, 2009 at 09:14 AM
I forgot to mention David, I live in Minnesota, so welcome and email me if I can help in any way.
Posted by: Mark | June 17, 2009 at 09:17 AM
Thanks for challenging and encouraging me this morning! Praying for God's strength and peace for you today. Love to all the Wenzels
Posted by: Kirsten Gibbs | June 17, 2009 at 10:34 AM
What an awesome & encouraging blog. God has truly blessed you in communicating! Continuing to pray for you and your wife. Our thoughts and prayers are with you as you go through the biopsy today.
-Derrick & Kristen (Seth's sister)
Posted by: Kristen | June 17, 2009 at 10:43 AM
My father died of Lou Gehrig’s disease a long time ago. A few weeks before he died, I woke up to a note taped to the outside of my bedroom door. My dad wrote it some time in the middle of the night… said he was just thinking about me and how hard it must be to be an eighth-grader.
Father was right-handed. He made mention to me on several occasions – while we were playing ball or throwing rocks into a lake – that he’d always wished he was ambidextrous. He said most great athletes “could go both ways.” Father was not ambidextrous, but as it turned out, he got to write the note with his left hand. It had been several weeks since the last twitch took his good arm from him.
Here’s what the note said:
You are going to have a great day. It’s yours, and you can make it anything you want it to be. If the weather calls for rain, decide now that you will enjoy getting wet. If the test score is low, make up your mind that ‘it can only get better from here.’ If punished unfairly for something, just smile for the many things you’ve not been caught for… Attitude is everything. Today is not yet anything. Fill it with laughter...
I’m trying to remember that. Trying to choose joy over circumstance. Trying to truly believe that I am fearfully and wonderfully made and that the only thing we’re supposed to do every day… no matter what… is choose joy. Thank you, David, for reminding me of this.
God bless you today and always.
Posted by: Billy | June 17, 2009 at 10:45 AM
Cancer designed by God...never looked at it that way but you're so right! Praying for you :)
Posted by: Christa | June 17, 2009 at 10:46 AM
"Would we still talk about Goliath if he wasn't a giant?"
So true. God gets more glory when He rescues us from shark-infested, stormy oceans than when he pulls us out of a kiddy pool, eh?
Praying, praying, praying for you!
Posted by: Marla Taviano | June 17, 2009 at 10:52 AM
Hey David,
Praying for you!
Micah Vaughan (from India)
Posted by: Micah Vaughan | June 17, 2009 at 12:17 PM
David,
You do not know me- I have read Amy's blog off and on since she did a photoshoot for some friends of mine.
I live near Grand Haven,MI and have most of my family in the Twin Cities. I have attended Piper's church at times and am thankful that you were given the link to his article in regards to not 'wasting' your cancer.
I am praying for you and Amy. I will continue to do so as your journey unfolds day-by-day in medical terms.
I also want to encourage you to 'hang onto your faith'. My own story includes tragic and sudden death of my 4-yr old daughter, Teagan in July 2001. My family was enjoying Sunday brunch (near Gaylord, MI) when a woman drove her car into the restaurant- killing our daughter and another mom, and seriously/critically injuring the rest of our families. It was horrific. It was totally random. It was devastaing. Yet I am amazed at the peace God gave us through it all and continues to give us even as we continue to face challenges. God IS faithful and has our best interest at heart- even when His plan doesn't look like one we'd want to share in. I have a favorite quote by Charles Swindoll which says, "Faith is believing in advance what only makes sense in reverse." I hope that you and Amy will be able to 'see God' in all of this, give Him the glory no matter the outcome, and stand in His presence one day and hear Him say, "well done". It may not be the path you'd choose to walk, but I can testify that God will suffer with you and carry you through this time. I'll be watching and praying.
Posted by: Jody Ferlaak | June 17, 2009 at 01:30 PM
Still thinking of you David! ::HUGS: to you and Amy at this time. Your strength has been so encouraging to me and many readers. Continue to stay strong and know there are thousands of prayers going out to you both.
Posted by: Regina | June 17, 2009 at 01:37 PM
Thinking of you and sending you positive vibes from California!
Posted by: Stefanie | June 17, 2009 at 02:30 PM
i've followed your wife's blog for about 2 or more years. she is amazing, and so are you. your words above. . .
what god originates he orchestrates. isn't that the truth. i could go into cercumstances that that phrase held strong.
you are being prayed for. god is in control and you are in his most precious hands. it's amazing to think that his most mighty hands are right now around that very small small part of your brain. thank you lord for that!
Posted by: jessica leigh | June 17, 2009 at 02:30 PM
I am with you, David. The perspective of knowing that God designed this tumor specifically for you makes me ponder over the tumor, which I now fully believe, He designed for my mother. I am seeing with new eyes. Many blessings to you and Amy and heart felt prayers.
Posted by: Gale | June 17, 2009 at 02:36 PM
Wow, that's so true. I hadn't thought of it that way but yes, God did and does intricately design and orchestrate every detail of our lives. Thanks for the update - we're praying for you.
Posted by: Jocelyn | June 17, 2009 at 02:58 PM
Once again, David, your words cut deep and are very powerful. A challenge and encouragement to those of us who do not currently have a God-designed tumor!!! Shelley and I spent time in prayer for you last night in preparation for today.....and will CONTINUE to pray throughout "Operation 55-Zebra"
Posted by: Jeff Beste | June 17, 2009 at 03:59 PM
Found you through a photog's, photog's photog, etc...what wonderful perspective and clarity you have been blessed with. You have touched me today; challenged me for a lifetime...your legacy preceeds you. We are praying mightily from TX!
Posted by: Dana @ Tin Star Photography | June 17, 2009 at 04:26 PM
I've been following your tweets all day! Glad you made it through and are coherent, but yet high :)
Posted by: Kimberly | June 17, 2009 at 04:50 PM
David, it's Donna from L.A. I just want you to know I've never forgotten your strength and faith in God. I've never forgotten how you sat with me in my truck and held my hand and prayed for me.
Not everyone has the same God. Not everyone has the same beliefs.
But I want you to know this: I'm praying so hard for you right now.
With so much love, D.
Posted by: Donna Weaver | June 17, 2009 at 06:39 PM
Wow. What a challenging circumstance to be in. You have incredible faith and strength to walk this through with great peace.
I wonder, though, if God gives cancer, why Jesus would have us pray for His Kingdom to come on earth as it is in Heaven (believing that cancer does not exist in Heaven.)
I wonder if it isn't satan who gives the cancer and God who is able to work all things together for our good.
I say "amen" to not wasting your suffering and looking for God to work it for your good, but caution against saying that God is the author of the cancer. It's not even something that exists in His Kingdom.
I am praying that God's Kindom come in your body, in your brain, on earth as it is in Heaven...dissolving that calcified tissue and tumor, revealing a deeper measure of His love and goodness along the way.
Blessings.
Posted by: Heather | June 17, 2009 at 08:19 PM