We've received some great news, haven't we?! A Grade II Oligo-based tumor with a co-deletion of the correct DNA chromosomal arms. I have no doubt that your prayers were influential in these test results. As we know, God responds to prayers of faith and acts on our behalf even when it goes against the physical parameters we typically assign to our situations. I simply love the idea (despite the difficulty) of praying and acting with such faith that God must move on our behalf.
First off, I have received some amazing blog comments from people all over who have been following this story over the past few weeks. As I've previously stated, I feel as though I can't quite explain what has been going through my head and heart, but God has shown Himself more than capable to get the message across. For that, I'm thankful, I'm honored and to be quite honest, scared to write again!
However, a comment recently came through that really peaked my interest. It's from a person who was a little confused about my approach to this whole tumor thing and I imagine he/she is not the only person thinking these thoughts. I didn't want to respond flippantly so I thought about it for a few days before addressing it.
To the person who left this comment - thanks for being honest with your feelings. And also, thank you for your kind words about me overcoming this tumor. I sincerely appreciate it and my friends and I will continue to pray for God to heal this tumor. Moving on, the comment was...
but this whole "praise god because its the right kind of cancer!" is still just goofy. man, the guy put this tumor into my head that is horrible and most likely fatal. so "thank god he made it the right kind of brain tumor!" is silly and just a little short-sighted.
brain tumors happen, they suck, i'm glad you have a positive attitude and i hope you can hang in there. bad stuff happens. lots of muslims/atheists/buddhists get brain tumors too. some live and some die."
But unfortunately, many people suffer from the 'wrong' type of cancer. Everyday I hear story after story of people who are dealing with and dying from what some would consider the cursed 'wrong' type of cancer. Like never before my heart goes out to these people and I pray for them to receive grace that is more than sufficient for their suffering and peace that surpasses all understanding. But here is the 'silly' thing... I still hear these people praising God for their cancer and the impact it has made in their life. Even in their suffering, they still know God is in control. Blows. My. Mind.
Oddly enough, some of the most comforting words I have received since my diagnosis have been from my new friends with the 'wrong' type of cancer. It reminds me of this beautiful passage in Streams In The Desert (entry for July 19th):
The most comforting of David's psalms were pressed out by suffering and if Paul had not had the thorn in his flesh, we would have missed much of the tenderness which quivers in so many of his letters.
The present circumstance which presses so hard against you is the best-shaped tool in the father's hand to chisel you for eternity. Trust Him, then. Do not push away the instrument lest you lose its work.
The school of suffering graduates rare scholars."
When I read this above passage I know my suffering (as well as yours) is neither 'silly' nor 'short-sided', but in fact the opposite. Every moment of suffering is an opportunity, if allowed, for us to be chiseled for eternity and to grow in empathy for the sufferings of others. I pray above all else that my cancer (whether right, wrong, good, bad, silly, goofy, etc...) shows the world that Christ suffered for us, not so that his followers could be rich, healthy, well-networked, smart and good-looking, but so that the world would know His followers by their ongoing sacrificial actions of compassion and love for those who are the lowest of the low.
And Dear Commenter, you are right; Muslims, Atheists & Buddhists get brain tumors as well. Some of them live and some of them die. I suppose it's safe to say cancer is open to take the lives of all types of people. It's an equal-opportunity killer showing no preference for religious beliefs. If we were to accept this basic fact that cancer is open to all types of people, I guess the real question would be, what types of people are open to cancer?
I want to be open to cancer and the new things it will bring into my life.
This is all new to me, but as I begin to learn of the emotional suffering cancer causes and not yet begun to undergo the physical changes that lie in my future, I can say I feel I am being prepared for what is to come. I know that what lies ahead of me is out of my control. I know that I am a part of something bigger than myself. I want to be the type of person who is open and ready for cancer and the physical suffering that could potentially lie ahead.
But here is my biggest fear.
I'm afraid that if I could go back and be given a choice to choose 'right', 'wrong' or even 'no cancer', I would have chosen the easiest route, to pass on this cup handed to me. If given the choice I would have gladly passed on this diagnosis, yet unfortunately also passed on the amazing changes coming from God who I still believe designed this cancer for me; changes in my relationship with God, my marriage, my family, my friends, my career, etc...
It's easy for us to pray for safety, comfort, health and wealth. But are we willing to pray for anything that will bring us closer to Christ? Even if it includes suffering? I hope that we would never miss out on an opportunity to understand the sufferings of Christ so we can be chiseled for eternity, to grow in maturity and perseverance and to sympathize with those around us who are also suffering. And despite the fear and pain that may come, I hope we can all repeat the words of Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane as He was being led to his death:
"Shall I not drink the cup my father has given me?" -John 18:11
I'm sorry for dishing out my 'armchair theology', and I know that many of you are probably sick of hearing it. (That's the great thing about blogs, you can stop reading whenever you like!) If you can take anything from this post, please pray that you can take joy in your sufferings and not avoid them by running from them at all costs. In the past month I can say I've learned more about who God is, who I am and how my priorities need to be rearranged. And if it takes suffering to help me learn these lessons, I wil gladly accept it. And I praise God that the lessons I learn from this will be neither silly nor short-sided.
- 1 Peter 4:12-13
Much Love.
Wow! What an awesome, encouraging read! I don't know you, but it's been a privilege to pray for you and your wife. God's grace is so evident in your writtings right now. "His grace is (truly) sufficient"
Posted by: Emily | July 07, 2009 at 08:21 AM
Well said David.
Posted by: Becky Jones | July 07, 2009 at 08:38 AM
I am not sick of hearing the 'armchair theology'. I think you are very well spoken and only wish I could express myself as you do. Thank you for being such an encouraging voice!
Posted by: Keri Jackson | July 07, 2009 at 08:42 AM
Great. Just great. Now I am crying at my desk at work...
Amen and amen! You have no idea how ridiculously proud I am of you! I praise God for using you, and I praise Him for the peace and understanding He has given you and Amy. For those of us invested in your story, it is impossible to remain who/where we are: silly and short-sighted. We are all changed, and praise God!
(I love the phrase from the last verse you quoted: "something strange." Love the mental picture I get when I read that!)
Posted by: Angie | July 07, 2009 at 09:06 AM
david - please keep posting your thoughts. We can see you growing and it spurs us on.
I was just studying Hebrews 11 this morning; we are aliens in this land looking for the city God is building. Our views are out of whack with this world because our views are foreign.
The one thing I disagree about is enjoying another season of Cubs disappointments.....things are looking good from the friendly confines lately, huh?
Still praying for you...
Posted by: dawn | July 07, 2009 at 09:13 AM
I'm not sick of hearing the armchair theology. I'm inspired. The idea of praying for anything that will deepend our relationship with God no matter what suffering that includes still has my head spinning. Wow. How scary. And how amazing. Thank you.
Posted by: DeAnna | July 07, 2009 at 09:19 AM
"For we know that in ALL things, God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28
These are the most difficult things that people who live on this side of eternity struggle with. He's working in you David!
Posted by: Jen | July 07, 2009 at 09:44 AM
Thanks David for piercing some of the harder to understand mysteries of the life that is handed to us. So much is out of our control yet we try so hard to convince ourselves otherwise. Blessings to you and on the plans He has for you.
Posted by: Edward Bussa | July 07, 2009 at 10:04 AM
david, you are awesome! i don't know you personally, but i love your spirit and pray for you regularly. god is using you to touch so many people and open many eyes. at least you prompted that person to think-that's incredible! thank you for being willing to let god use this trial for his good. keep on, keepin' on my friend!!
Posted by: lyndsay h-almeida | July 07, 2009 at 10:31 AM
I printed out your I may (or may not) have 10 years to live blog post. It was so inspiring! I found your wife's blog thru Jasmine Star's and have followed it and now I am following yours. Your unwavering faith and trust in GOD is an amazing inspiration to me. God bless you & Amy. And please continue your post from the armchair!
Posted by: Kelli | July 07, 2009 at 10:32 AM
Preach on, brother!!! I'm so thankful my friend found your blog and shared it with me! I am so thankful that you are able to take such a comment and explain why you're thankful in such beautiful words. God is good, and you're so right: We should always drink from the cup given to us. God Bless YOU!!!!
Posted by: Bethany | July 07, 2009 at 10:38 AM
David, you are truly a light in a dark world. No, don't stop sharing your innermost thoughts and shouting as loud as the world can hear how truly blessed we are to be children of Christ. You are an inspiration and however he decides to use you I know it will be for His glory. God Bless!
Posted by: Cindy Meadors | July 07, 2009 at 10:39 AM
I second everything already said! I don't know you either, but have found your posts to be very inspirational at a time that I need it! My husband and I take turns sharing a "spiritual thought" with each other every night. I used one of your posts last week and plan to use this one tonight!! It speaks to me about some hard times we are going through and how we must be understanding of others.
Keep the awesome posts coming!!
Posted by: Kristin Rasmussen | July 07, 2009 at 10:48 AM
I think your attitude with this whole experience has not only been motivating, uplifting but a reality check to many of us who take life & health for granted. Unless you have a sick loved one in your life you may never know how to deal with "it" (whatever illness it is) in your life. No one is prepared to hear that someone that close to them has cancer but many times we learn to deal and hope her have great strength to keep ourselves as well as them positive. I have two co-workers dealing with cancer right now. It's hard on all of us to see the them both fighting for their lives, but prayer and friendship keep us positive they will win this fight. Thank You David for keeping the "P" in prayer & positive alive.
Posted by: Regina White | July 07, 2009 at 10:50 AM
Very well said, David.
Posted by: Dave | July 07, 2009 at 10:51 AM
i love that you didn't get defensive ... after all, it is your cancer and you can react however you want. but i love that you didn't get defensive. and i love that you are allowing God to use you to inspire others - cancer laiden or not. i continue to pray grace and peace and love for you and amy.
Posted by: lindsey | July 07, 2009 at 10:51 AM
David, I do not share your deep faith and yet, I still find your approach to this incredibly inspirational and wise. There are many people who have cancer who, religious or not, have found greater meaning in the lives that they lead post-cancer. It doesn't mean they would choose the cancer, necessarily. Just that they have changed for the better because of it. I pray for you and especially, Amy (because often it is harder being the one in her role) and I also know that the two of you are making the world a better place because of AND in spite of your cancer.
By the way, as a fourth generation Cubs fan, none of us responding to you will live long enough to see them win the World Series : ) My poor husband thinks they'll be in first place by the weekend!
Keep up the armchair philosophy - it's food for thought even for those of us who feel differently about life.
Posted by: Kathryn Pierce | July 07, 2009 at 10:55 AM
AMEN! So how's the alkalines.....
Posted by: Jeff | July 07, 2009 at 10:56 AM
Thanks for sharing and for taking the time to marinate before posting. I really appreciate the time you put into it!
Continually praying from So Cal.
Posted by: Melinda M | July 07, 2009 at 11:05 AM
Wow..powerful thoughts David. I like how even-keeled you're being in your approach to both this person's response and your rational for why you believe what you believe.
And I'm pretty sure you could get a gig on the motivational speaker circuit should you want it :)
Posted by: Gail | July 07, 2009 at 11:13 AM
your words have touched me in so many ways. my eyes have been opened and I am very thankful for your ability to express these truths that so many of us need to hear. keep it coming. God has so much more in store for you.
Posted by: Sara | July 07, 2009 at 11:48 AM
Love it, David. Well written. Spot on. Tender. Thoughtful. Accurate. Plucky. Yea God!! Miss you guys...loving that you are in His care. -Cindy
Posted by: cindy finch | July 07, 2009 at 11:52 AM
David, I am sure I am not the first to tell you this, but you MUST bind these blogs dealing with your cancer into a book. They are so inspiring and quite the page turner I must add. ;-) Again, I appreciate your candidness and your quips, your bafflement and your faith. Praying without ceasing.
Posted by: Chara | July 07, 2009 at 11:53 AM
hey,
it's me again, i think you do write very well and you're definitely doing a great job of dealing with this cancer, your attitude is inspiring.
i think we still just fundamentally disagree, but i'm not religious so that's cool we all see things differently. i still don't really buy the whole "pray so hard God has to act on our behalf and he'll do things that you thought were impossible", if that's the case then why don't amputees ever regrow limbs? are they not praying hard enough? same kinda thing, if i were you i wouldn't be praying for the right kind of tumor, i'd be saying "dude get this thing out of my head please!!!" i'm sure you're saying that one too, and so are many other people and i hope it happens, for sure.
i don't think there's any shame either in saying "if i had a choice, i'd have passed on the whole brain tumor thing altogether." you say you're afraid you'd say that, but i think if you didn't say that, you'd be nuts. who wants a brain tumor?
seriously, good luck, enough of my heretical comments i'll leave your blog now. but good luck, i really hope everything works out for you. these things grow slowly and 10 or 15 years in science terms is a long long time given the exponential shape of the technological advancement curve.
Posted by: me again | July 07, 2009 at 12:00 PM
word. Keep rocking this thing right on out of your head. You are amazing. Amy is a lucky woman.
Posted by: amy b | July 07, 2009 at 12:14 PM