I woke up this morning at about 11:00 which is very weird for me. I usually give myself all the freedom to sleep in as long as I want, but was really strange to wake up at 11:00. I then hopped into the shower and noticed a few things.
The first thing that happened was my brain started to go. I don't really know how to explain this except one part of my brain noticed another part of my brain was falling apart. Very strange feeling. I first noticed that I started spelling words in the wrong way. How? Really not sure. Literally the words going through my head were...'how do I pronounce the word 'whip'?" Is it 'whip' or 'quip'? The next thought was... hold on, why I am worrying about how to spell the word 'whip'?
Oh no...
Before I can get that thought out of my mouth, the metallic taste came into my mouth. I stood in the shower having a 100% flashback to San Francisco, it's all starting over.
The next thought was I hope I don't have any... nope, already starting happening. The right side of my mouth, my right arm and legs started feeling numb and tingling.
So, as far as I could tell there were 3 signs of an oncoming seizure:
- Lots of thought patterns into strange side-trails such as 'serious' issues like how to spell 'whip'. This results in my not being able to carry out conversation and saying random words like 'concrete' or 'pillows'.
- Feel a metallic taste enter my mouth.
- Feeling strange numbness down the right side of my face (especially my mouth), arms and legs.
So what next? I hop out of the shower. I wake up Amy, we sit down on the living room floor and she starts praying for me. Then I ask her to ask me a few questions to make sure my mind is working correctly. Finally I start to pray and as I try to speak the words, they won't come out of my mouth... nothing. I can talk okay, but I can't really pray. Interesting.
Then I did the most important thing... I put on underwear. Next, we rush down to the emergency room which happens to be about 2 blocks up the street. They put me in a bed, hook me all up to the wires and throw an IV in. I'm ready. But really for what? Ready for a seizure I guess... I sure they looked at me like I was crazy. "You're preparing for a seizure?? Ok..."
We waited in the hospital, and thankfully there was no seizure. It was probably about an hour and a half before the whole ordeal was over. I am feeling much better now except for a small headache and a brief loss of words. It's starting all coming back to me now. I can't really spell anything which is pretty disturbing. In fact, I need Amy to look over all of this before I push send.
All I can ask of you is this. As I laid the in that hospital bed, I starting thinking to myself... anything can happen if this seizure goes down. I could not wake up. I could be paralyzed. I could wake up and be severally handicapped, I could just wake up again and fee fine! I really don't know. I only know that I am looking straight down the barrel of a seizure. Is this going to happen again? Seeing that on the horizon is a scary thing to look at.
I had the same thought roll through my head again. One thought. I could remember anything, no verses, nothing. All I had was this one thought of Psalm 21:1,
"The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?"
That was enough. Don't know what happend next, but a few doctors who didn't quite know what to do think were wandering in and out of the room.
I have more thoughts about the balance between 'knowing God will heal me" vs. "praying that his will will be done no matter the outcome'. But can't think about this any more... Time to go to bed.
(thanks to Amy for looking this over. I can't type very well right now)
