Jump David Jump

One August Day filled with Faith and Doubt

This is a long post, I know. In fact, let's not even call it a post. This is a short essay.

I suppose I've been negligent in my updates regarding my health for several different reasons. On one hand, I had to learn to protect my time and not become overwhelmed with blog posts as I had been for awhile. Life goes on, bills need to be paid, need to see my 'real-life' friends, and not spend all of my time pulling a Doogie Howser by sharing my feeling online at the end of each and every day. But nevertheless, I want to keep you updated as to what has been going on because so many of you have been, and continue to be, so faithful to pray to our Lord on my behalf. For that, I can't thank you enough. In the meantime, I want you to know that His grace has indeed been more than sufficient for me.

In August of 2010, Amy and I went back to University of Michigan to get another MRI. So much had been happening before and during that time of year. Amy and I (as well as friends, family and most likely strangers) had been so focused on praying for physical healing before this check-up. We knew that God was in the middle of doing something big. Strange events had been happening that I won't go into detail on right now. But we could feel God was by our side, going through this event with us, preparing us for the next MRI. We had been praying intensely with such childlike faith that we simply expected the doctor would come back and tell us that... 'I have no idea what happened, but the tumor is gone!". And we wouldn't even be surprised. We would say... "Well, of course it's gone, our God is a healing God, duh?"

The Dr. came back with the MRI results and told us that everything was looking just about the same. Hmm. While some minor shifting had occurred, it didn't appear to be growing or shrinking or doing anything for that matter. Just hanging out in my head. Amy and I were obviously pleased because things had not worsened, but there was definitely a feeling of (and I feel strange saying it) but... disappointment.

Was I disappointed in God?

The Health of... my car.

(Side-note: I should let you know in advance this post is a complete failure. After intending to write about my health, I became enamored with an afternoon of dealing with the health of my 2000 VW Jetta. If you'd like to do something meaningful with the next 5 minutes of your life, please don't read this.)

INPUT!

I have to admit that I love the end of the year because you start to see everyones' "Best Of..." lists. One of my favorite publications, PASTE, always does a great job of this and this morning I've been catching up on their Top 25 Music videos of the year. 

Usually when I'm sensing a lack of creativity, I know the first place to look for the problem. What's my input? If we expect to have good 'output', we need good 'input'. That principle pretty much goes across everything in life. Want to cook a cook meal? Use good ingredients. Want to be a good friend? Hang out with good friends. Want to tell good stories? Read good stories. 

It's a very simple principle that we often forget. So... as you look to whatever endeavors you are planning for next year, check out the best of what happened this year. Then practice the creative art of stealing. That's right, every artist steals. You can either be a 'dirty thief' and plagiarize or you can be a 'proper thief' and follow this pattern.

"Suck. Mimic. Innovate."

Take in good input. Process it. Then make something better. 

This is the process behind the creation of every new idea you and I have ever had. Now that you know the process, you can become better at it.

Here's some good input from 2010. Check out PASTE's top 25 music videos here, or see their complete list here.

Here are a few videos that inspired me in strange ways and made me get out my pen to start writing...

Ultimate Authority

Amy and I were flipping through channels the other day and we were caught by Dateline or 20/20 or 60 Minutes or whatever. I usually try to get my news from 'The Daily Show' and my cultural reference from 'The Soup' (time saver + it's funny), but we happened to come across a series of interviews with pastors who had become atheists. But so what... we've heard this a million times. However, this group was different. They were still 'leading' their church. A variety of interviews showed how these pastors became intrigued by and then began to doubt the Bible, doubting the Old Testament, even doubting even the birth and resurrection of Jesus, yet they are still 'shepherding' people. Amy and I were stunned!

The reason they wouldn't step down from their role as pastor? The economy. They are concerned about finding another job.

There IS a Next Step

There IS a next step.

I must admit I've been running from it. In the past year and a half, my mind has been a pendulum on issues of faith, purpose, relationships, meaning, work, etc... I've considered (and accepted) thoughts I never would have predicted and eliminated thoughts I never thought possible. This is the type of reconstruction I assume comes from massive life-changing events, or possibly during those moment of clarity half way through life when you analyze everything and every person around you and begin evaluating their meaning. Then four months pass and you realize you have to start over and try again.

I was silently scared of this grey zone, this bermuda triangle of thinking, where no matter what answer you come up with you still felt lost for a directional heading. It's not that I've reconsidered all that I knew (or maybe I did that too) but a year and a half later you eventually settle on your core centers and beliefs. Now it's time to reconsider the smaller items, the patterns, the habits, the rituals that, over time, add up to make individual lives. I've spent months reconsidering these items I would have preferred to look past in an attempt to 'make things normal again'. But things will never go back to 'normal' again. At least that is what I'm hoping for.

It's been painfully valuable, but I'm starting to become appreciative of this time where no stone can go unturned. I don't know what it would take in your life to go through this, but it's worth it. Seems like I've been through a deconstruction. I feel like a city recovering from a bombing raid. For a while you mourn, become angry, gather your thoughts, consider the damages, throw things away, make amends, but eventually... you realize that it's time to rebuild.

And now, I am coming to this place of action. The type of action where I've run so many ideas around the block a few times to see if they have any legs, and eventually you decide to start making small steps forward. However, these steps are in new directions and you're unfamiliar with what happens next. No, things can't go back how they used you be. You tried that. You can't pretend that certain life lessons learned in the bright light of reality can be unlearned if enough time passes. It's not time to go over again what happened in the past, not to re-analyze my current situation and/or possibilities, but to take steps forward and when necessary, make slight changes to this new vector.

'Blue Like Jazz'... It's ALIVE!!!

Have you heard of Don Miller's latest miracle?

You may remember way back in the day when a little book, Blue Like Jazz, was released. I read the book in 2003 and to be honest, at that point in my life, I was in a downward spiral. I remember sitting on my bed in Santa Monica, California hating my job, broke as a joke, and figuring out if I had enough money to put together so I could purchase a latte to comfort myself. I really don't remember how I heard of the book, but I read it... in a day. I actually think I called in sick to work.

Next Steps for Francis Chan

As Flannel, Dot&Cross and David C. Cook Publishing release the Basic series, it's interesting to see Francis describe his own experience of church. As you may know, Francis has decided to leave his home church, Cornerstone Church, in Simi Valley to follow God on a new and unknown adventure. This video is an awkward, yet needed, candid discussion between Francis Chan, Joshua Harris and Mark Driscoll as they ask some really tough questions that... well, maybe we are all wondering about.

Please pray with me that Francis will use this time to learn and grow as God sees fit. To view a trailer for the entire 7-film BASIC series, click here.

 

What's Next for Francis Chan? A Conversation with Mark Driscoll and Joshua Harris from Ben Peays on Vimeo.

Children. Not Intended for Commercial Use.

As far as I can tell, I have taught my baby sister 3 things:

1. How to tackle (go low and wrap the legs)

2. How to play catch (and spit)

3. Ben Folds Five (a band which I believe was the beginning of her taste of good music)

It's safe to say that (besides item 3) I pretty much wanted to teach my sister how to become a brother. But since gender reallocation wasn't working out, I began to see Heather's natural talents develop. She truly is a unique blend of her 3 older siblings. From Leslie she received a strange quality I know absolutely nothing about... she became fiscal. I barely even know what that word means. From Angie she became a giver and a lover of all, which leads to a lot of crying. She is always looking for someone to help. In fact I have to laugh when she recounts the time she and her husband took a homeless guy to a chili cook off to make sure he was fed, but instead he ended up getting drunk and wandering off. So much for helping the homeless... Or when she came to me to brainstorm a clever way to deliver gifts to the strippers at the local strip-club to show them that they were loved. (Ha! I love it!)

And I don't know what she got from me, but it probably wasn't anything positive.

Bringing the Story to Chicago

It has been incredible to share God's story over the past year. I say this story belongs to God because... well, I never would have written it this way. Seems to me He's writing His own story and was kind enough to invite me in. In the past 12 months, God has been gracious enough to stir up some opportunities for me to share this story at universities, churches, cancer support groups and even an elementary school in the middle of an Ohio cornfield.

I must say I was shocked when Ben Arment wrote me an email and asked me to speak at Story Chicago. The event will be held at Park Community Church on September 23-24. It's such an honor to be sharing with such an amazing group of speakers.

• Dan Allender - best-selling author, professor at Mars Hill Graduate School
• Charlie Todd - creator of Improv Everywhere in New York City
• Princess Zulu - AIDS victim from infancy, advocate for the oppressed
• Jason Fried - founder of 37Signals, creator of Basecamp, author of Rework
• John Sowers - president of Donald Miller's The Mentoring Project
• Shauna Niequist - former creative director at Mars Hill, author of Bittersweet
• David Hodges - formerly of the band Evanescence, award-winning songwriter
• Leonard Sweet - futurist, author of 40 books, professor at Drew University
• David McFadzean - creator of Home Improvement, producer of Roseanne
• Richard Walter - accomplished screenwriter and professor of film at UCLA
• Sean Gladding - member of Communality, a new monastic community
• Andrew Klavan - author of True Crime (Clint Eastwood) and numerous novels
• Gary Dorsey - founder of Pixel Peach Studio in Austin, TX
• Music by Vicky Beeching, Kari Jobe and Carlos Whittaker

All of the tickets are sold out, but I would ask that you would pray for me as I "tell the story", because as you can see from those I'll be sharing with... I'm completely out of my league! Feel like I was just called up to the pros! I must admit I feel the pressure to stay 'smart' things, use clever analogies and be funny. That's how I typically deal with this type of stuff. But I must remember that the only thing God has called me to do is be a witness. Just tell the story of what is happening. That is enough.

Check out the legit website for Story Chicago.

Dear Cancer (with explicit lyrics)

(Side-note: This was my personal letter I wrote to cancer after one-year. I wasn't going to share it, but after reconsidering, here it is.)

---

Dear Cancer,

About one year ago, June 7, 2009, we were introduced. I admit it was a bit of a shock because I was unaware you had actually known me for around 10 years or so, silently growing without my knowledge. Nevertheless, to become fully aware of you now and see the black and white x-ray evidence of your presence in my brain was the beginning of a new chapter (if not an entirely new book).

Honestly, it makes sense to me why you grew quietly and slowly in my brain. You didn't go after my lungs or my liver. And I'm really not surprised that of anywhere to appear in my body, you chose to focus on the one area of my body that I hold the most dear, the heart of my identity - my ability to communicate, to speak, to write, to think. It's strangely peculiar you've positioned yourself in a such a fashion that both of my speech centers are affected with the strongest malignancy lying in the nerves that connect the two, a strategic position to keep my thoughts from coming out of my mouth.

Of course it would have been in your best interests to continue to grow quietly for 6 or 7 more years from now when they told me that you've grown too far and there's 'nothing left to do'. But you, cancer/evil/sickness/illness, you have made a grievous mistake.

You showed your cards too quickly.